Imagine you’re in a dark room. It’s pitch black. But it’s OK; you’ve got a flashlight. And in the darkness that flashlight projects a beam of light illuminating everything in its path. Unfortunately you know that there’s lot of things you can’t see in that darkened room – not without moving that beam of light from one place to another.

I love using the darkened room analogy to explain how some people can be optimistic and filled with gratitude and others are pessimists and always on the look out for the next impending disaster. I’m fascinated by the difference between those two types of people – not because I’m a natural optimist, but because I’m not.

You can become more optimistic!

Science has estimated that around 40-50% of our personality traits, such as introversion/extroversion, optimism/pessimism and so on, are fixed which leaves the rest open to our experiences and our choices.

So yes, some people are born with more of a tendency towards optimism BUT for the rest of us there’s a lot we can do to increase our happiness quota. Which brings me back to that darkened room…

Our thoughts are a bit like that torch beam and what we choose for focus on is like the beam of light. Optimists, whether born that way or through training, focus their flashlight on the good things in their lives. They’re more likely to focus on what they already have and appreciate those things, big and small.

Pessimists on the other hand are more likely to notice the negative things in their lives along with what they feel is missing. The really good news is that us glass half empty folks can train our minds to be more like our glass half full friends!

Here’s a simple way to train your mind

Get a notepad and write down 5 things you have in your life that you’re grateful for. You could include anything you like – big and small. That’s it! Then tomorrow, do it again, then the next day, and the next. In fact, do this every day for 2 weeks.

Here’s my list for today:

1. I’ve got a warm house; I don’t have to beg for change on the street.

2. I’ve got 2 great kids; even though they might drive me mad, cost me a fortune and have robbed me of my sleep I love ’em!

3. Today was one of those bright, sunny yet cold autumn days. The colours on the trees outside my window are fantastic.

4. I made a kick ass turkey and sage soup for dinner; it’s on the stove right now and smells fantastic!

5. I could afford to buy the ingredients for the soup; no one in my house has to go hungry unlike the 852 million on the planet who do. (How’s that for a statistic to make you appreciate what you have?)

Researchers found that when they got people to do this for 2 weeks it increased the happiness of participants and reduced their stress levels. What’s really cool though is that when the researchers followed up with those people 6 months later their levels of happiness were still high.

So what are you waiting for? Make your own list and start shifting your focus to the glass is half full way of viewing the world!

This is a Guest Post from Jo Casey

Jo Casey’s motto is ‘Work Happy’. She helps people beat stress so that they can LOVE their work. Whether you’re a freelancer, business owner or work the ’9-5′ your work should be a source of joy and enrichment but so many people are stressed out, overworked and feeling unhappy. Jo teaches practical ways to increase resilience, reconnect with your purpose and rediscover the joy in your working life.

You can connect with Jo at www.jocasey.com

The most important thing I’ve learned about social confidence, coaching people to develop this quality over the past few years, is that your level of social confidence is primarily determined by your mindset. 

How confident you are socially has little to do with how smart you are, how funny you are or how good looking you are, and it has a lot to do with your personal system of beliefs and perceptions.

In time, I realized there are 3 powerful mindsets that, if you practice and take in, will help you significantly in boosting your social confidence…

Mindset No. 1: “I am good enough.”

A lot of people who lack social confidence don’t see themselves as good enough for others the way they are. Many of them have a poor self-image or they suffer from an inferiority complex. As a result, they go into social settings expecting for others to not like them. So it’s only natural for them to feel anxious and not be very social.

But the truth is that almost every time, their belief that they’re not good enough is false. It’s something they came to believe for the wrong reasons, and it has little to do with reality. This is why it’s important to adopt the mindset that you are good enough.

When you’re in a social setting, try to think of yourself as good enough, and to hold this mindset. You’ll notice that you’ll be more relaxed and more social. And interestingly enough, if you think you’re good enough, others will tend to reach the same conclusion about you.

Mindset No. 2: “The world is a friendly place.”

Another common trait for people who lack social confidence is the inclination to see the world as an unfriendly place. They think others are rude and unsympathetic, and they just want to exploit them or make fun of them. It’s no wonder that they often have no friends whatsoever or just a couple of friends they’re not particularly fond of.

However, for the most part, this assumption they have is untrue. They only think this way because they’ve just over-generalized from a few bad experiences with people, often without even realizing it. There may be some mean people out there, but most people are actually friendly and eager to talk to others.

So it makes sense to adopt the mindset that the world is a friendly place. This will encourage you to be friendly with others, and typically they’ll respond in kind. This in turn will confirm that people are generally friendly, and it will make it even easier to be friendly yourself.

Mindset No. 3: “Everything is a learning experience.”

When you talk to people, you will make mistakes. You will say something inappropriate, you will be weird at times, or you won’t make that good of an impression. The most important mindset to adopt in order to keep going instead of withdrawing into your shell is that all of this is a learning experience.

Your social intelligence and social skills develop as you interact with others. Any mistake you make is an opportunity to learn and take your skills to the next level. And if you’re willing to go through a lot of learning, you can reach a skill level that few people ever reach.

This is why it’s crucial to think of any social interaction as a learning experience. Take the lessons you can from it and keep walking. As you learn and your social skills develop, so does your social confidence.

Adopt the right mindsets, and you can reach any degree of social confidence you want. And the more confident you are, the easier it is to build great relationships with people and have an amazing social life. I’m sure that you’ll love it.

Eduard Ezeanu is a social confidence coach and the creator of People Skills Decoded. He helps others to identify and overcome their limiting beliefs, in order to develop rock-solid social confidence, as well as a fulfilling social life.

The challenges of contemporary everyday life can result in overwhelming stress – but you knew that already, right?

Although you may think you’re relaxed when watching TV or having a drink, the reality is that to really benefit from relaxation you need to focus your attention on a process that will leave your body and mind in a calm, relaxed state which neither alcohol nor watching TV will bring.

Using a combination of deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and visualization, this simple yet effective relaxation technique will produce a state of deep calm and when practiced regularly, will lead to a healthier state of mind. Relaxation experts recommend spending at least 10 minutes a day on relaxation techniques but the more time you can set aside for relaxation, the better!

1. Choose a quiet environment

Find somewhere in your home where you won’t be disturbed, your bedroom, garden or even your bathroom! Put your cell phone on silent and leave your home phone off the hook. I also find that removing anything work-related helps.

2. Get comfortable

Rather than the traditional Lotus position, lying down is best for this exercise. Lie on your back with your legs stretched out hip-width apart and your arms by your side. Loose, comfortable clothing is a must.

3. Relax your body

Starting on your left, tense the muscles in your toes and foot for about 5 seconds and then release. Notice the difference in tension. Do the same with your right foot and continue up your body tensing your legs, buttocks, stomach muscles, arms, hands and fingers. Finally close your eyes as tight as you can. Then, keeping your eyes closed, release. Take a moment to become aware of the total relaxation of your muscles.

4. Breathe Deeply

Move your focus to your breathing. Take a deep inhalation through your nose. Feel your breath flow through your throat into your lungs. Without holding your breath, exhale slowly through your mouth. Continued deep breathing will lower blood pressure and slow down your heart rate and therefore counter the effects of stress. When you feel ready, gradually slow down your rate of breathing.

5. Visualize

Where do you feel calm? On a beach? In a park? It doesn’t have to be somewhere that you’ve been, just an environment in which you can feel totally relaxed. Imagine you’re there. Look around. What can you see? Perhaps you can see trees. Can you hear the wind moving their leaves? What else can you hear? Now shift your focus to your other senses. Are there any smells? Can you feel the sun on your face? Picture yourself in this place feeling calm and relaxed and know that it is here any time you need to relax. 
When you are ready, return your focus to your breathing, open your eyes and enjoy your day!

This is a Guest Post from Steven Aitchison

Steven Aitchison is the creator and narrator of the guided meditations available at GuidedMind.com. To share his passion for guided meditation as a self-improvement tool, Steven has written 4 books and 10 guides so you too can improve your life. Visit his site at GuidedMind.com, the world’s premier resource for high-quality guided meditation audio, and get started with his free MP3 ‘Calm Mind‘ today.